The Dad’s Survival Guide to Sick Days

You wake up in the morning, and something is off.

Your body aches, your throat feels like sandpaper, and your head is pounding like a bass drum in a middle school band. You roll over, grab your phone, and Google “early symptoms of the plague.”

But before you can convince yourself you're on death’s doorstep, you hear it. The sound of little feet pattering down the hallway.

And just like that, your fate is sealed. You’re sick. But you’re also a dad which means there’s no PTO, no sick leave, and definitely no “calling in.”

Welcome to the Dad’s Survival Guide to Sick Days—because, let’s be honest, your kids don’t care if you’re dying.

Rule #1: You’re Not the Main Character in This Story

Before kids, being sick meant spending the day in bed, watching movies, and sipping soup that magically appeared (thanks to your wife, mother, or Uber Eats).

But now?

Your flu-ridden body is just an obstacle in your kids’ action-packed day.

You could be curled up on the couch in the fetal position, sweating through your shirt, and your kid will still climb on top of you and ask,
“Can you take me to the trampoline park today?”

They don’t see your suffering.

They see Dad, the magical being who grants snacks, fixes broken toys, and provides piggyback rides on demand.

So, step one of surviving a sick day? Accept your fate. You are a dad first, a human second.

Rule #2: Lower the Bar (Like, All the Way Down)

Sick days as a dad are about survival, not excellence.

Forget the Pinterest-level parenting. No, you are now operating in bare minimum mode.

• Breakfast? Dry cereal, straight from the box. If you manage to pour milk, congratulations, you’re an overachiever.

• Screen time limits? Suspended indefinitely. This is DEFCON 1. If Bluey needs to babysit for six hours straight, so be it.

• Playtime? Rebrand it as “spy training.” Lay on the couch and challenge your kids to sneak around without waking the “sleeping dragon” (a.k.a. you).

The goal here isn’t to win Dad of the Year. It’s to stay alive until bedtime.

Rule #3: Hydration and Caffeine Are Your Only Friends

There is a fine balance on a dad sick day.

You need enough caffeine to function, but not so much that it spikes your fever and sends you into a cold sweat.

• Coffee is non-negotiable, but sip it slowly so it doesn’t hit your stomach like a brick.

• Water is key, but your kid will inevitably steal your bottle, take one sip, and leave it in a random room.

• Electrolytes? If you have the strength to make a Gatorade run, you’re not sick enough to complain.

Pro tip: If you are truly dying, convince your kids that Pedialyte popsicles are a special treat. They’ll beg for one, you’ll “give in,” and boom. You’re both rehydrated.

Rule #4: Master the Art of the Half-Nap

A full nap? Impossible. But a strategic half-nap? That’s a dad superpower.

Here’s how:

1. Lay on the couch—this is key, because lying in bed is a rookie move that makes kids think you’re “free to play.”

2. Hold a book or a remote—this makes it look like you’re “watching” or “reading” when you’re really in a fever dream.

3. Train your body to wake up at loud crashes but sleep through light screaming (this will take practice).

If your kid wakes you up saying, “Dad, wake up, I need help!”

Simply respond with “Okay, in five minutes.” There’s a 90% chance they’ll forget what they needed and move on.

Rule #5: Bribe, Bargain, and Outsource

When you’re sick, all standard parenting ethics go out the window.
This is the time for bribery, bargaining, and outsourcing.

• Bribery: “If you let Daddy rest for 20 minutes, you get ice cream.”

• Bargaining: “You can do WHATEVER you want, just don’t wake the baby.”

• Outsourcing: Hand them a tablet and say, “Go learn something educational.” (Whether they do or not is not your problem today.)

Also, if your wife is around, this is the one day you’re allowed to cash in all your “I got this” points from when she was sick and you handled the kids like a champ.

If that means you owe her a spa day, a foot massage, and a lifetime of uninterrupted Target trips, so be it.

Rule #6: The 7 PM Finish Line Is All That Matters

Nothing about today has been easy. You have conquered fevers, tantrums, and an absurd amount of snack requests. But now, the end is in sight.

Dinner? Hopefully, your wife takes pity on you. If not, frozen nuggets and mac & cheese are the solution.
Bedtime? You tell the longest, slowest bedtime story in history so you can sneak in micro-naps.
Survival? Achieved.

And when the kids are finally asleep, you drag yourself to bed, feeling like a war veteran who just survived his toughest battle.

Tomorrow? You might still feel like garbage. But at least you made it through today.

And that, my friend, is what makes you a dad.

Final Thoughts: The Secret Dad Code

Being a dad is equal parts exhaustion and superhero-level endurance. No one tells you that when you sign up. But sick days are when you truly earn your stripes.

So next time you’re feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck, remember:

1. Lower the bar. No one expects you to function at 100%.

2. Use every trick in the book. Bribes, screen time, and low-effort parenting are all fair game.

3. Hold on until bedtime. The only way out is through.

And if all else fails?

Bluey. Lots and lots of Bluey.

Stay Dadsperate.

- Brian